party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
