if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
