...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
