Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
