I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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