The maid of honor just puked.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
