I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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