Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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