You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
