I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
