Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
