I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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