I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
