Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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