Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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