so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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