I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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