she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
