I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
