I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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