I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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