I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
