Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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