remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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