We won't sleep together?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
