During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
