Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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