one two three fourrrrnication!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
