Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
