the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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