he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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