He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
