party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
