her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why did my mother make you get naked?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
