I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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