Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
