It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As shirtless as possible
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
