I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
