Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
