'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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