Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
