I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
