can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
