dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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