I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
