I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
