I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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