if i can run in heels then i can drive
your room smells of hookers.
And success
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
