Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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