so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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