girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
