that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
