Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
