I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
