At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
