i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
